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Hillary Clinton
Hillary Rodham Clinton is the current senator of New York and presidental candidate. She is currently going by the name "Miss Rodham Hillary Rodham Clinton Rodham Hamrod Rodham," or something like that (she flip-flops on this a lot). She is a beast-demon shat from the rotten scorched bowels of hell, to fight naughty words in video games and boobies on TV, which helps lazy soccer-moms do their parenting at an even shittier quality than they do. She is also here to promote the war in Iraq and Patriot act, but only does so when it helps her political career. When she's with her true Democrat friends, however, she admits that she loves flag burning and gay marriage. Hooray! Sent to Earth on October 26, 1947, the succubus has since taken on the form of a female human in order to infiltrate the American population undetected and wipe freedom and liberty from existence (and attempt to show the world that her husband the moron he turns out to be). Comrade Hillary currently holds the office of Junior Senator from the state of New York, and sources say her plans are to start her official reign of terror on America beginning in 2008. She would return again as the infamous Hillary Clinton bot in the First Political War, but would be defeated by the T-800 in 3084. Stephen Colbert has said that she would make a horrible president if elected, quite possibly the worst. Early Political Career While Bill was busy contracting genital warts from homely hillbilly chicks, Hillary spent her early career giving hummers to Arkansas state troopers (as well as tug jobs). She is known to do the same today, but rather than state troopers, she does it to show favor for her corporate overlords. Points of Interest * While biding her time waiting to unleash hell on American soil, Hillary stayed quite busy (prostitution, of course) overseas by starting the Korean Conflict and Vietnam War, as well as World war 2. She also helped Adolf Hitler take over Germany(He's her uncle). Back in the States, she gave Brian Piccolo cancer in 1969 and killed Elvis Presley on his crapper in 1977. She was not indicted in either case (Just like OJ). * In 1992, Hillary became the First Man when her husband Bill Clinton was elected President against the will of the American people (the night before the election, Hillary threatened to run naked from house to house from one end of the United States to the other if Bill lost the election; George H.W. Bush's 80-point lead vanished and Clinton was swept into office). *Recently, she was spotted in Germany campaining with a threat to commence genocide against the Russians. She claimed she was a terrorist working for the French. When a man tried to stop her, Hillary shot laser beams from her eyes and melted his skin. True story. * Today, Hillary continues to be the First Lady by having sex with Bill Clinton in the morning before he moves on and has sex with his interns (Monica Lewinsky). * During the eight years of the Clinton presidency, more people linked to the White House or President/First Lady were murdered or mysteriously died than all the people who died in the American Civil War. Hillary was responsible for all of them but four. Most cases were never solved; Hillary had most of the investigators and prosecuting attorneys slathered with honey and fed to Canadian black bears. * In 1968, the Rolling Stones wrote her a tribute song called "Sympathy for the Devil". 2008 Presidential Race Government information has just recently revealed Clinton's secret agenda, and government information is always right. According to Hillary Clinton's letter to Michael Moore from December of 2006 (confiscated, as permitted by the Patriot Act), her agenda is to "make America a communist dictatorship where all people are equal and enslaved." Furthermore, she plans to "eliminate truthiness in all it's forms, methods, and manifestations." As for the free and democratic system, Hillary will "shut down Congress for good, suspend all future elections, and rule as tyrant." Under the new, communist system, she plans to appoint Osama Bin Laden as Vice-President, Moore as Speaker of the House, and the ghost of Stalin as Secretary of State. Taxes will be abolished and gun control will be complete. Hetrosexual marriages will be forbidden. All of nuclear missiles will be sold to Iran and other assorted terrorist countries, and America will become a Muslim state. However, when the Day of Reckoning comes and Jesus rockets down in his fiery chariot, raining disease and destruction from the heavens, her terrible regime will come to a close and she will be sent to the lowest pit of hell, where she will be forced to watch excruciatingly boring infomercials for the rest of eternity. Hillary Trivia * She is a vampire. * She observes a strict diet of puppies, infants, Bibles, and Jews. * Some believe that she is the anti-christ, but there is a case to be made that her daughter, Chelsea (who was fathered by a Demonic Bear) is the anti-christ (Hillary is actually the next Führer) * She killed her first human male at the age of 14, in the year 1790. * She hates grandmothers and anyone who doesn't. * She is a gaybasher. * Once married to Bin Laben and Saddam Hussien * Her shrill voice has been known to cause penis shrinkage and testicular disintegration. * She has 3 pet bears: Patches, Rodney, and Geraldo. She is pregnant with a fourth. * Her vagina is used to store her vast cache of intergalactic weapons, including (but not limited to) nukes, ICBM's, Phazers, etc. Husband Bill has yet to discover this since he has seen every vagina in America except hers in the last 25 years. * Was the original concept for the character The Joker in the D.C. Comics Batman universe. * Is a Senator from New York who is from Arkansas by way of Chicago, Illinois. But is a true New Yorker at heart. No, really. * Intent on becoming President of the United States of America. * Hillary is also the #2 threat to the male genitals, for her vagina is a giant Venus fly-trap. * Has taken $615,000 in lobbyist money, and plans to build a playground exclusively for bears with it. * Chances are she is gay, but Bill Clinton hasn't made sure yet. * She was inspired by Hitler to get involved with politics. * She has secret plans to turn the country into a communist state. * Her face isn't real, its just a mask to hide her even more hideous face. * Secretly having an affair with Ann Coulter. * Her father is none other than the dreaded colbear. * She is the sole reason why Humans cannot live on Mars. * She is PURE EVIL FORCE. * The only thing good about her is that she won't negotiate with terrorists as readily as Osama, uh, I mean Obama. *She plans to create a Fourth Reich and end democracy. Hillary-mentum * Hillary Clinton at Campaigns Wikia * Hillary for President